Celebration and Sabotage (Originally posted May 2019)

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n the past 4 months we have celebrated 6 birthdays and 3 holidays. The celebrations looked vastly different. Tim's 40th birthday party was entirely different from Maddie's princess teaparty, the boys low key movie going and dinner out celebration, Sarah's little family party with a few presents and an icecream cake and a stuffed unicorn as big as she is. My birthday Valentines Day, Easter, Mother's day . Such very different days but they all have one common thread. In one way they are all entirely the same. One way or another at least one child worked their hardest to disrupt and sabotage the day. It isn't their fault really. I don't think they wake up thinking "I'm going to act batcrap crazy on my birthday because I really like people in walmart/church/dinner staring at me." I think they have SO MANY ideas built up in their heads, so many expectations, that there is no possible way we parents can meet them all. We are doomed to fail. I still sometimes try. For Maddie's birthday I cried for an hour over a stupid cake I could.not.get.right. I freaked out over details no 6 year old would care about. It didn't matter. My sweet sweet girl still turned purple and lost her mind over something that seemed so small to an outsider. But she felt it. All of her big feelings grabbing onto her and insisting they be heard and felt and seen. Her birthday, her sister's birthday , Mother's day. If it wasn't one losing it it was all of them. I've come to expect it but not so well that I can really anticipate what will cause the catastrophic meltdown .It's frustrating . I want to help them to actually enjoy their special days without self destruction. So we go to therapy and we lower the bar another rung and cheer them on when they make it.

Mother's day was actually lovely this year. The kids made me breakfast in bed with Tim's help. I was gifted beautiful flowers and so many hugs and kisses and I love yous I lost count. Even my big guys got in on it. One of my littles though, threw a hairbrush at me because it was too much. I'm her 6th mommy in a row. Can you blame her to try and test and see if I really mean I love being her mommy? I don't. Not anymore, anyway. I guess we are all learning how to celebrate and not sabotage over here.

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