The other day my littlest asked about her first mommy. Every time this happens I am gutted. It doesn't get easier for me but I'm glad she is comfortable talking about it. Hopefully opening the door to communication now will make it easier later down the road. It has never been a secret. We have pictures of adoption days hung up in the house. We have books about adoption on our shelves. Our oldest sons were 10 and 11 when they were adopted so they very much remember life before adoption. My girl is sunny, silly, and in many ways more mature than her four years on earth should allow her to be. To be sure she is every bit of a silly little girl but she sometimes asks me questions that I know if I blow off will just come back to me later, probably in public when changing the subject becomes more of a song and dance routine. So we have a policy of just trying to, in age appropriate language answer the question. When she asks me to tell her about why she couldn't live with her &
My kids went back to school after a lovely, relaxing Christmas break. Thursday. Why did they start back on Thursday? Unknown. I wasn't the one planning the school calendar. Pity that. Regardless, I dropped my loves off at school on time, fed, and with all of their belongings. I should have known something was up then. That just doesn't happen, especially after two weeks of non-existent sleep schedules, and junk food free for all nonsense. Around 9 o'clock, a mere hour and a half post drop off I get a call from the school. I briefly consider not answering, assuming it's a kid who forgot a folder. Alas, it was the school nurse. My youngest had thrown up in class and would need to go home. Insert sad/frustrated mom guilt feelings. So I picked up my girl who was really very sick and pitiful and went home. We hung out and watched cartoons. Truly my day wasn't going so far off what I had planned anyway, the contents on the TV and the sick child notwithstan
Today marks 5 years since our first 3 kids were adopted. A teeny baby girl and two older but small boys became officially ours. Since then we added two more little girls to our family. Adoption days are complicated anyway without our added family trauma. In the past, we have had a special meal or gotten ice cream. This time last year our oldest wasn't with us. He had been in residential treatment for a while by then but I was still so deep in my grief over what he had done, and the fallout from it, the adoption anniversary didn't feel worse than all of the other days. Now that we all have truly begun to heal in earnest, today feels like a punch in the stomach. I find myself reliving the moment I found out my oldest son had broken our family. Facebook shows memories of 5 years ago, our beautiful, happy, smiling family. Instead of being thankful I have children I love living under my roof, I'm distracted. The one child that is not, and never a
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