Sorry For The Impending Apocalypse or Whatever...


My kids went back to school after a lovely, relaxing Christmas break. Thursday. Why did they start back on Thursday? Unknown. I wasn't the one planning the school calendar. Pity that. 

Regardless, I dropped my loves off at school on time, fed, and with all of their belongings. I should have known something was up then. That just doesn't happen, especially after two weeks of non-existent sleep schedules, and junk food free for all nonsense. 

Around 9 o'clock, a mere hour and a half post drop off I get a call from the school. I briefly consider not answering, assuming it's a kid who forgot a folder.  Alas, it was the school nurse. My youngest had thrown up in class and would need to go home. Insert sad/frustrated mom guilt feelings. 

So I picked up my girl who was really very sick and pitiful and went home. We hung out and watched cartoons. Truly my day wasn't going so far off what I had planned anyway, the contents on the TV and the sick child notwithstanding. 

I took her and her sisters to the store later for a snack and some Gatorade. I should have known better. The child who had only managed to keep liquid down thus far ended up eating most of her sister's bag of hot funyuns, declaring herself cured.   The next morning to my horror she informed me in her chipper, nonchalant way that she had thrown up "a little".

Dear reader. It was not "a little bit". It was "get the shopvacohmygawd" bad. The consistency of slime, the color only red dye 40 can produce, and a stench to bring the bravest cavalier to their knees.  

So, after dismantling the poor child's bedding/sleep tent/stuffed animal fort and dragging it out from the wall, I, as the only person in the house who doesn't throw up cleaning throw up, turned on the shop vac, steeled my nerves, and commenced Operation: 1st vomit removal of 2023. 

And here is where the impending apocalypse I apologized for comes in. Have you ever sucked a few cups of jello that isn't quite set up with a shop vacuum? The unholy noise it produced evoked terror and probably summoned Cathulu from the ocean depths. I can only imagine the delay is for travel time. Or perhaps he heard the call, was like "That's too gross even for me." And went back to sleep. 
Meantime, I am also feeling poorly so unsure if the impending apocalypse is a bad thing at the moment honestly.  

Good luck out there. May your children stay well, your nether dwelling eldrich terrors remain submerged, and your stomachs be strong. Happy 2023 yall. 











































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